(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i’m by myself i’m absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)
i genuinely have an issue. it’s like…there’s people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing
- if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
- if you look at the ceiling that’s insane, isn’t it?
so that’s down and up out. let’s look at:
- the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can’t stare at people.
fuck fuck fuck. what about:
- the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let’s break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that’s quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you’re looking at their body very intently, can’t do that. the middle? if it’s a woman, then that’s very much bad form. but if you’re a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you’re sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can’t really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK
fucking nightmare.
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Scan the room left to right. Quickly. Do it 3-10x. Survey the people.
Now. Go to the far left person, look at their head. Maintain eye to head contact for 3 seconds. Now with your mouth make a (bzzzrrr) noise and turn your head slowly to the next person. When you stop turning your head make a (kerthnk, zzp) noise. Do this for every person in the restaurant. You now have data on everyone.
Next step, scan for exits, reposition yourself at the table so that your back faces the nearest structural wall, this will be useful if there is a fire fight. Turn your seat backwards and plant your feet far apart for maximum stability, also granting you the mobility to leap to your feet and dive through a window if necessary.
I assume you are wearing leather gloves and a bandana, nod to yourself and squeeze your hands a few times to get the blood flowing.
The server is here, order nuggies and a water. You’ll need your protein, but you are prepared.
Go forth and conquer the world my child.
Ah yes the scanning motions of a Terminator.
Add in some flourishes for good effect.
“Biological lifeform detected.”
“Scanners active. Servos engaged. All systems nominal.”
“Defensive matrix online. Karate chop mode engaged.”
Abed, is that you?
TotallyNotRobots
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect
The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others is uncommon. The reason for the spotlight effect is the innate tendency to forget that although one is the center of one’s own world, one is not the center of everyone else’s. This tendency is especially prominent when one does something atypical.[1]
Research has empirically shown that such drastic over-estimation of one’s effect on others is widely common. Many professionals in social psychology encourage people to be conscious of the spotlight effect and to allow this phenomenon to moderate the extent to which one believes one is in a social spotlight.[2]
See also: masking
Trying too hard to mask + spotlight effect? You’re gonna have a bad time. It took me a while to eventually learn to just like not stare at someone too long and you’ll be fine. Nobody cares unless it’s them you’re staring at, and even then they probably don’t care all that much.
Numerous experiences in my life have proven to me that this is partly accurate and op has grounds to be worried.
I cannot count the times i was lost in thought in a public space and someone interrupted me with “the fuck you looking at?” or “is something wrong?” type of questions.
People notice. You notice. Sometimes it’s ignored, but enough times you need to unscramble your thoughts to answer a “the fuck you looking at?” out of nowhere.
Having a phone is the modern excuse. Just stare at the screen or pretend you’re scrolling.
Yet, having a low self-esteem will make one anxious in a public setting quite unreasonably. And while hard to achieve all the time, an answer is in fact to stop caring about what other people think. It does work.
Just don’t stare at one thing that long.
Look at your food when cutting it.
Look at others when talking in conversation. Keep at least half your eye contact on the person talking, but look at others for their reactions as well.
If there is something interesting between two people, rest your eyes there for a while.
People will notice long term staring more than short shifts
my breasts
👀
👁️👁️
Are they the biggest ones around?
Stop discriminating
I don’t discriminate between the two unless they are of seriously unequal size.
Pics or it didn’t happen
This post is amazing.
Holy shit I’m so glad I don’t have your brain OP
try just doing whatever you want
While you’re eating, it’s fine to look at your food. When someone’s talking, it’s ok to look at them. All the other times, just look around. Other tables, out the window, decor, other people, etc. As long as you don’t linger, it’s never gonna look weird. Even if you do linger, it’s whatever, just say you enjoy whatever you’re looking at. Decor, someone’s eyeglasses, makeup, whatever.
“I enjoy your boobs.”
“I really like your shirt”. “Beautiful flower model” etc.
But yeah, boobs are the best.
looking at your food or plate is okay. people don’t think you’re sad, just preoccupied or interested in your food.
btw you can always close your eyes and picture a jumping cow. it’s free
Well now that cow is stuck in my head thanks
I prefer rotation
As you get older you care less and less what people think, and you get better and better at taking care of numero uno.
I invite you to stick around long enough to see that this is true, no matter how implausible it might seem right now.
Just breathe bro, you’re overthinking everything. I used to feel like this, too, it’ll get easier.
Make some eye contact when you’re talking to the person you’re with. You don’t have to stare, but enough to show that you’re listening/ engaged.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward. Embrace it. Try to have fun.
Don’t worry about what you’re looking at or what’s around you. Try this life hack: Concentrate on your thoughts.
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Go through your mind and start thinking of all the things you’re grateful for.
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Do simple math problems in your head.
things like that. They keep your mind busy and if you’re worried about what people think of you when they see you, if your mind is occupied with things like that, people around you will see you as genuinely pensive with no affectations or awkwardness.
And if you’re still worried about what you’re looking at, there is a concept in yoga called DRISHTI, which is “the thing (s) you happen to be looking at when you are concentrating or deep in thought.” It doesn’t matter what you’re looking at and It’s okay to look at nothing in particular when you’re concentrating /deep in thought.
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I think you need to stop looking at yourself.
Uncle Iroh?
Just look wherever, don’t overthink it.
You’re there to eat, as everyone else. It’s not like you have some instagram gym diva a table over that’s itching to publicly shame you.
I usually focus on my food, converse with the others i’m there with and occasionally look around to see if someone ordered something i want too.
If people take offense in that, so be it. Go be offended.
Window. I look out a window. Also why I like sitting near windows.
If you’re socially not allowed to people watch, bring a newspaper or a book.
I look at my phone when I eat by myself at cafes or non restaurants.
