I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.

For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.

I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.

I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.

P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.

  • Thrillhouse@lemmy.world
    17·
    7 months ago

    You just gotta try to hang on. Life as you get older is a total question of wtf is going to happen next.

    I’m in one of those cycles.

    1. Covid
    2. Walked in on my dad almost dead from undiagnosed cancer and my childhood home trashed because everything fell apart when he was looking after my mom who has early onset dementia
    3. 2 weeks later my dad dies & I am visiting the hospital during the height of Covid. My mom has to live in the hospital and doesn’t know who I am anymore. She doesn’t know her husband died.
    4. Cancer scare. I think it will be fine? They’re still testing.
    5. Husband lost his job. I am the only breadwinner.
    6. Sister in abusive relationship with a severely mentally unstable husband who is spending all of their money. I fear every day he is going to kill her and their kids. She can’t kick him out of the house because he is on disability and can’t afford his own place.
    7. Substantial changes at my job leading to feelings of mega insecurity for me.

    Oh yeah and my mom isn’t even dead yet!

    But I’ve also had some really great experiences during this time that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

    If psychedelics are safe for you and you have no history of mental illness in your family I would strongly suggest that.

    • Khiêm Từ@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      7 months ago

      You’re 100000 times stronger than most people I know, including myself. I’m so sorry for all you’ve had to endure. It’s strange how hearing about others’ struggles can sometimes make us feel better, but it truly does.