My cat. Everyone would be played by cats. Untrained cats, just put them together in relevant places and roll camera. It’s art now.

Nicolas Cage.

Doesn’t matter that he isn’t even close to being a match, but the movie would most certainly be entertaining.

Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Timothee Chalamet. Not as one person blended together, but them having a threesome. Directed by Denis Villeneuve. Score by Vangelis.

That’s me.

Me of course. I mean I already got famous for being me so clearly I would be a good fit for the role.

Jack Black is the only real choice. In his messy beard phase.

I’m a forgettable nobody, so, Michael Cera.

Bojack.

Horseman, obviously.

Macaulay Culkin

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

No similarity, but it’d be funny watching the director try to fit The Rock into a computer programming role; and also because - since it’s a movie - people would think that’s how I look.

Dunno probably that guy in the Vicar of Dibley that went “Mo no no no yes”

Probably Keanu Reaves. We went to the same schools growing up and have similar ethnicity. I don’t actually remember him, though I must’ve passed him in the hall? He’s a few years my senior.

Seth Rogan but he’s a craft beer snob instead of a pot head.

Matt Damon.

Similar size, shape, looks and both from the Boston area.

I describe myself as looking like what happens when you skip character creation. I’m super average-looking and would be tough to pick from a crowd.

Apparently I look a lot like a certain, well known actor. So much so, that several people independently of each other told me that.