Many years ago I ordered a DVD for my best mate’s birthday called ‘Grandpappy’s hot home movies’. It was Victorian era pornography with accompanying piano music.

I saw the postman delivering the post to the communal doorway one morning but when I returned later the post was not there.

I left a note inside the communal hallway saying ‘please return the DVD that you stole’, and one of my neighbours who I was friendly with got really mad that I’d accused them all of being thieves.

Wouldn’t you know the following day the DVD was posted through my door with my name and address on the envelope and no postage stamp.

Somebody had stolen it, opened it, thought ‘what a fucking weirdo’ and returned it.