Do you know what a Shit Barometer is? Measures the Shit Pressure in the air. When the Barometer rises, and you’ll feel it too, your ears will implode with the Shit Pressure. I tried to warn you, Bubs, but you picked the wrong side!
Beware, the Shit Winds are a-comin’.

Changes are happening around you. Shit has hit the fan, there is excrement in the air.

Lot of excrement in the air when you’re a horoscope writer tbh

I feel like this is more about the writer using their autocorrect as the editor and not genuinely proofreading their shit (pun intended).

I see you’ve been downtown.

Shit winds, Randers

Well, it was apparently written by Google Gemini, so its understable. At least a human didn’t write it.