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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Wasn’t Shamshi-Adad the first one to claim the title “king of the universe”? 🤣

    Assyrian boasting always cracks me up. Sennacherib describes this battle against Babylon:

    With the dust of their field covering the heavens, like a wide, mighty storm, they drew up in battle array before me on the bank of the Tigris. They blocked my passage and offered battle. I put on my coat of mail. My helmet, emblem of victory, I placed upon my head. My great battle chariot, which brings low the foe, I hurriedly mounted in the anger of my heart. The mighty bow which Assur had given me, I seized in my hands. The javelin, piercing to the life, I grasped. I stopped their advance, succeeding in surrounding them. I decimated the enemy host with arrow and spear. All of their bodies I bored through. I cut their throats, cut off their precious lives as one cuts a string. Like the many waters of a storm, I made the contents of their gullets and entrails rain down upon the wide earth. My prancing steeds, harnessed for my riding, plunged into the stream of their blood as into a river. The wheels of my war chariot, which brings low the evil and the wicked, were spattered with filth and blood. With the bodies of their warriors, I filled the plain like grass. Their testicles I cut out, and tore out their privates like the seeds of cucumbers of June.

    Meanwhile, the Babylonian records say:

    The Assyrians lost the battle.






  • For some reason I can’t stop reading about Mesopotamia =/

    Did you know that in 1770 B.C. Zimri-Lim, king of Madi, was so exasperated by his daughter being such a bitch to his political ally, the king of Ilansura, that he eventually traveled all the way from Madi to Ilansura to “liberate the palace of Ilansura from her presence” (his own words)?